she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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