I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
