just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she smelled like a LAN party
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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