That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
