You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
