so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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