I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
