Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
