The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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