this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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