He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
