I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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