rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
