i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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