she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
