Will you blow on my dice?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
