so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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