I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
