whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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