I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
