Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You smell like stripper and shame
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
