Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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