I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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