God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
