saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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