My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
