Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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