Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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