glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
