if i can run in heels then i can drive
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
farters have to be the big spoon...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
