I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
