I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They took my balls.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
