Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize