i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
