ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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