I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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