my phone needs a breathalizer
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
