This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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