I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
