My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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