toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dear god my vagina.
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