sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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