a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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