What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
