I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
