some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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