You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
