I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
