white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's shark week go big or go home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
