Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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