i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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