Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
