Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize