Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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