This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
