Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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