david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
