i think i have two assholes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize