I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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