watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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