watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
