I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
