Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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