Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
