I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Success! We fucked roommates!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
