Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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