my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize