Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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