It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
