I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
