Need sex. Gaining weight.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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