Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
