So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
