Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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