so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
