Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
