Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
