hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
