Actions speak louder than pants.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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