also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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