I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also, beer. Big fan.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
