I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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