You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's blow job season.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
