angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
