my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
