Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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