i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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