Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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