So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
