do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
