At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
