I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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