Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
