I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
