I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
