If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
