youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
