we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize